if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
