i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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