so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
