Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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