Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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