i just google imaged poop.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
