i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
