Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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