Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
