You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
