well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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