cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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