i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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