Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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