Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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