too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think i got beer on your cat.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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