remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
