Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
