His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
