Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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