You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dicks are not precious.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
