she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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