What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
