i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
