Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
