Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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