the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize