is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
