Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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