Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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