Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
