And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
