dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
