I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
