I need to stop coming to work sober
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
