umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
