Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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