We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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