just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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