In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
