I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
