I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My breasts were aching with rage.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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