took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just found puke in my bra..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
