You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize