If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
