Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
