Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
