No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
