What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
