omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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