I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
