How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
