so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
