I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
