I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
