alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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