Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
