dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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