Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
