Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
