I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
