I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
