Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
