Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
