youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
