okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
