Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
