I cannot find my penis.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
