woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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