You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
