The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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