2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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