Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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