Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
