Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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