So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
