how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
